PRE-TEENS, PARENTS FIND LITTLE TIME FOR TALK - STUDY FINDS

"Connection Gap" seen as kids, parents split on priorities

NEW YORK, March 19, 1998 ­ Most parents and their pre-teen children spend less thanan hour a day ­ about 6 percent of their waking hours talking to each other, and many less than a half-hour, according to a survey of 5th-8th graders and their parents released today by Philips Consumer Communications. That may be why many parents also underestimate the maturity of their kids and have misconceptions about what's important to them.

Most parents (58 percent) and almost three-quarters of the kids (73 percent) say they spend less than an hour a day talking to each other; nearly half the kids (46 percent) and about a quarter of the parents (27 percent) put the time at a half-hour or less.

The study also found that kids are much more serious than their parents think. Kids rate their future, schoolwork and family matters as the most important issues, while parents said fun, friends and personal appearance are the top issues for their kids.

"The results are both comforting and bothersome," said Lawrence Kutner, Ph.D., a Harvard child psychologist and author of several books on parent-child communication. "Today's adolescents are dealing with complex and difficult issues at a younger age than earlier generations. It's ironic that today's parents don't acknowledge that maturity and give their kids credit for having the values that they want them to have. If parents truly heard what their kids were saying, they might be reassured rather than worried."

Pre-teens also are more interested in the opposite sex than their parents believe. About two-thirds (62 percent) of kids surveyed say the opposite sex is an important issue, while only about half (52 percent) of the parents think their kids are interested in boyfriends or girlfriends.

More than half the kids (57 percent) say their parents don't always give them a chance to explain themselves and almost the same number of parents (51 percent) say their children don't let them explain themselves.

"Clearly there's a connection gap if half the people in a conversation think they don't get a chance to explain themselves," Dr. Kutner said. "If one person tends to dominate most conversations at the expense of another, it can create an environment filled with misunderstanding, anger and resentment."

Only 20 percent of kids find it very easy to talk to their parents about issues that really matter. More than 90 percent of parents and kids say they pay attention to each other's feelings and often or sometimes talk to each other with respect.

The study was released today at "Let's Connect," the first in a series of Philips-sponsored workshops for middle school students in grades 5-8 and their parents being held in cities across the country. The workshops are led by Dr. Kutner and feature young Nickelodeon stars Michelle Trachtenberg of "Harriet the Spy" and "The Adventures of Pete and Pete" and Arjay Smith, star of "The Journey of Allen Strange."

"The middle school years are a time of great emotional and social challenges for young adolescents, and a time when many lasting impressions are made," said Marion Payne, president-elect of the National Middle School Association and speaker at the "Let's Connect" kick-off event. "The communication patterns that these adolescents and their parents create today may well be the same patterns they follow throughout their lives."

In addition to the workshops, Philips is offering a free "Let's Connect" booklet by Dr. Kutner for kids and parents on how to improve communication with each other. The booklet includes communication tips and a short version of the national survey and guidelines on how to interpret the results. The booklet is available free to parents, kids or teachers by sending a self-addressed stamped envelope to: Philips "Let's Connect" Family Communication Guide, P.O. Box 7615, Melville, NY 11775-7615. It is also available on the Philips Consumer Communications website at www.philipsconsumer.com/letsconnect.

Lawrence Kutner, Ph.D., is one of America's best-known psychologists. He teaches at the Harvard Medical School, writes the "Ask The Expert" column in Parents Magazine and has written five books on child development and parent-child communication. Philips Consumer Communications, a Lucent Technologies and Philips Electronics venture, designs, manufactures and markets a complete range of personal communications products, including cellular, corded and cordless phones, answering machines, screen phones and pagers.

The Philips "Let's Connect" survey, conducted by Roper Starch Worldwide, is based on telephone interviews with 505 middle school students grades 5-8 and their parents. It has a margin of error of +/-4 percentage points at the 95 percent confidence level.

 

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