PRE-TEENS, PARENTS FIND LITTLE TIME FOR TALK - STUDY FINDS
"Connection Gap" seen as kids, parents split on priorities
NEW YORK, March 19, 1998 Most parents and their pre-teen
children spend less thanan hour a day about 6 percent of their waking
hours talking to each other, and many less than a half-hour, according
to a survey of 5th-8th graders and their parents released today by Philips
Consumer Communications. That may be why many parents also underestimate
the maturity of their kids and have misconceptions about what's important
to them.
Most parents (58 percent) and almost three-quarters of the kids
(73 percent) say they spend less than an hour a day talking to each other;
nearly half the kids (46 percent) and about a quarter of the parents (27
percent) put the time at a half-hour or less.
The study also found that kids are much more serious than their
parents think. Kids rate their future, schoolwork and family matters as
the most important issues, while parents said fun, friends and personal
appearance are the top issues for their kids.
"The results are both comforting and bothersome," said
Lawrence Kutner, Ph.D., a Harvard child psychologist and author of several
books on parent-child communication. "Today's adolescents are dealing
with complex and difficult issues at a younger age than earlier generations.
It's ironic that today's parents don't acknowledge that maturity and give
their kids credit for having the values that they want them to have. If
parents truly heard what their kids were saying, they might be reassured
rather than worried."
Pre-teens also are more interested in the opposite sex than their
parents believe. About two-thirds (62 percent) of kids surveyed say the
opposite sex is an important issue, while only about half (52 percent)
of the parents think their kids are interested in boyfriends or girlfriends.
More than half the kids (57 percent) say their parents don't always
give them a chance to explain themselves and almost the same number of
parents (51 percent) say their children don't let them explain themselves.
"Clearly there's a connection gap if half the people in a
conversation think they don't get a chance to explain themselves,"
Dr. Kutner said. "If one person tends to dominate most conversations
at the expense of another, it can create an environment filled with misunderstanding,
anger and resentment."
Only 20 percent of kids find it very easy to talk to their parents
about issues that really matter. More than 90 percent of parents and kids
say they pay attention to each other's feelings and often or sometimes
talk to each other with respect.
The study was released today at "Let's Connect," the
first in a series of Philips-sponsored workshops for middle school students
in grades 5-8 and their parents being held in cities across the country.
The workshops are led by Dr. Kutner and feature young Nickelodeon stars
Michelle Trachtenberg of "Harriet the Spy" and "The Adventures
of Pete and Pete" and Arjay Smith, star of "The Journey of Allen
Strange."
"The middle school years are a time of great emotional and
social challenges for young adolescents, and a time when many lasting impressions
are made," said Marion Payne, president-elect of the National Middle
School Association and speaker at the "Let's Connect" kick-off
event. "The communication patterns that these adolescents and their
parents create today may well be the same patterns they follow throughout
their lives."
In addition to the workshops, Philips is offering a free "Let's
Connect" booklet by Dr. Kutner for kids and parents on how to improve
communication with each other. The booklet includes communication tips
and a short version of the national survey and guidelines on how to interpret
the results. The booklet is available free to parents, kids or teachers
by sending a self-addressed stamped envelope to: Philips "Let's Connect"
Family Communication Guide, P.O. Box 7615, Melville, NY 11775-7615. It
is also available on the Philips Consumer Communications website at www.philipsconsumer.com/letsconnect.
Lawrence Kutner, Ph.D., is one of America's best-known psychologists.
He teaches at the Harvard Medical School, writes the "Ask The Expert"
column in Parents Magazine and has written five books on child development
and parent-child communication. Philips Consumer Communications, a Lucent
Technologies and Philips Electronics venture, designs, manufactures and
markets a complete range of personal communications products, including
cellular, corded and cordless phones, answering machines, screen phones
and pagers.
The Philips "Let's Connect" survey, conducted by Roper
Starch Worldwide, is based on telephone interviews with 505 middle school
students grades 5-8 and their parents. It has a margin of error of +/-4
percentage points at the 95 percent confidence level.
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